When in Rome, do as Rome does.

To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.

Conservative. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from a Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.

Learning: The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.

Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.

A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be.

Divorce. A resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions.

Admiration is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

Backbite: To ''speak of a man as you find him'' when he can't find you.