Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

What to do if you find yourself stuck in a crack in the ground underneath a giant boulder you can't move, with no hope of rescue. Consider how lucky you are that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far, which given your current circumstances seems more likely, consider how lucky you are that it won't be troubling you much longer.

The moment at which two people, approaching from opposite ends of a long passageway, recognize each other and immediately pretend they haven t. This is to avoid the ghastly embarrassment of having to continue recognizing each other the whole length of the corridor.

A common mistake people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, and that is sincerity and integrity.

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.