How is the world ruled and led to war? Diplomats lie to journalists and believe these lies when they see them in print.

Matrimony is the union of meanness and martyrdom.

Experiences are savings which a miser puts aside. Wisdom is an inheritance which a wastrel cannot exhaust.

Intercourse with a woman is sometimes a satisfactory substitute for masturbation. But it takes a lot of imagination to make it work.

A man's eroticism is a woman's sexuality.

A child learns to discard his ideals, whereas a grown-up never wears out his short pants.

The discovery of the North Pole is one of those realities which could not be avoided. It is the wages which human perseverance pays itself when it thinks that something is taking too long. The world needed a discoverer of the North Pole, and in all areas of social activity, merit was less important here than opportunity.

Corruption is worse than prostitution. The latter might endanger the morals of an individual, the former invariably endangers the morals of the entire country.

News reports stand up as people, and people wither into editorials. Clichés walk around on two legs while men are having theirs shot off.

Language is the mother of thought, not its handmaiden.