Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.

All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.

When widows exclaim loudly against second marriages, I would always lay a wager than the man, If not the wedding day, is absolutely fixed on.

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

To marry is to halve your rights and double your duties.

Before marriage, a man will go home and lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he'll go to sleep before you finish saying it.

Only one marriage I regret. I remember after I got that marriage license I went across from the license bureau to a bar for a drink. The bartender said, ''What will you have, sir?'' And I said, ''A glass of hemlock.''

Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance.

Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory.